When I pulled up the interwebs this morning I was greeted by a photo. Only this was no ordinary picture, no, it was the kind of picture that causes you to recoil in terror! It’s also the type of photo that draws you in with wonder and amazement.

No, it isn’t one of the mental cases from Jerseylicious or even one of the mental cases from Jersey Shore, however, the photo was allegedly taken in NJ and lets be honest, what other state would you likely see a mouth this big? Now is that nice? Who said that?!! (as always, send all complaints to Javier@ghos….)

Lets take a look at said creature and allow the mind to wander, the temples to be scratched, the asses to fall in the seats, the….OK, here it is:

Oh I can see your face, you know the one where your jaw pulls back, lips slightly open yet jutted out and that sound that goes with it, you know, that shuttering sound where your head kinda vibrates a little. I think it’s something like this: Euhuuuuh!

As much as I love to solicit such a response, I suppose I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t tell the whole story.

You see, this is no strange creature brought to NJ from a galaxy far, far away. No, it is not going to crawl or slither into your room tonight and suck your blood. Why? Because it tends to spend all it’s time in the water and guess what? There are more from where this one came from, thousands and thousands. Now, before you vow never to step foot in the Jersey Shore water again, it important to know that this critter is nothing more than a Sea Lamprey. These guys have been living in the waterways around us for longer than, well, longer than you’ve been around.

Now, here’s the kicker, most Sea Lampreys are tiny creatures, no bigger than a small garter snake at best, so we’re not even sure this photo is genuine. In other words, there are a few things wrong here. I’m not going to do one of my deconstructions, but suffice it to say, the aspect of this picture is such that it makes the Lamprey appear to be much larger than it really is. Furthermore, an Error Correction Analysis (below) indicates that the photo itself may not be all beer and skittles.

Now, the lighter aspects of the Error Correction above indicates that there may be some layering going on here. In other words, this fella may have done some time in Photoshop. Although, I would never attest to that in a court of law.

Getting back to the ID, it seems the Department of Environmental Conservation were nice enough to step in and identify the alien before the interwebs got too out of control.

Well, I suppose that’s it! Now break it up! Nothing more to see here! Go back to your homes! Go back to playing Jarts or Gymboree or whatever! Go back to Virginia….cause it’s for lovers, *cough* I heard….

Thanks to GrindTV for providing the info I so desperately needed for this article. Oh, I did some stuff too, you can bet your bottom dollar on that!

Associated Content:

EX: What is a Sea Lamprey?
GT: Aliens From Earth: Deep Sea
GT: Video: What Is This Giant Creature?